Supermom…or Something Like That
I became this supermom that almost took on a different persona and had remarkable powers to make dinner, do laundry, help with homework, and simultaneously clean up some mystery substance from the living room carpet. I wanted my girls to see me as a strong, capable, driven, fearless woman. I wanted them to see me as a superhero. They knew I made mistakes, and tried really hard to admit when I did. But the truth is, the mom that they saw, looked pretty supermom like.
Then one day I started to feel like I was on a perpetual audition. Every morning I felt like I was waking up and putting on the persona that would allow them to look up to and admire me. Everyday felt like a job interview where I would weigh the choices I made and consider the things that I said while my girls were around. I was living my life in hopes that they would approve. In hopes of getting them to think I was amazing, I was changing some of the choices that I may have otherwise made. I led one life in their presence and another life when they were gone. In all of my lounging to have them think I was a supermom, I forgot a very important thing. I was teaching them to look to me instead of looking to God.
I’m more open with the girls about my life, about my mistakes, and about my choices. It’s so hard to allow your children to see you as weak, vulnerable, and truly and completely flawed, but I have to remember that I’m not trying to get their approval; I’m trying to be the person that God intended me to be, and sometimes they just don’t understand that. What I know for sure is that in being more real with them about who I am and my life, I have opened up an avenue to teach them about the unconditional love and Grace of God. Today I choose to give them the gift of me. Raw and sometimes exposed. I choose to allow them to see me as a real full human being with needs and desires. Today I give them the gift to see me reaching and working every day to be God’s best vision of me. Today, I’m not seeking their stamp of approval, but praying that they love me anyway.