I’m beginning to think that my life is a giant amalgam of new beginnings. The proverbial Monday. Starting today I will eat a more balanced diet, I will exercise more regularly, I will spend more time with my kids, I will attempt to be less cynical and snarky… Okay, admittedly I have never even considered being less cynical and snarky to the great dismay of those around me, but you get the picture.
My adult life has been one new beginning after the other. Ending my marriage of 16 years, becoming the single mom of two teenage girls, losing all social standing after a public divorce, going back to college, dating, living without any financial, emotional, or spiritual security, and as a side note learning to become a wine drinker which is in fact directly related to all of the above.
I’m a girl who likes a plan. I like a goal, something that everyday I can run toward as fast as I can go until I reach the goal. Then before the dust even settles, I’m making a new goal and the running begins again. I’m beginning to realize that all the running makes it difficult for the insecurities to catch up with me. All the running makes it so that I don’t have to wonder if my kids will have money for college, if I will ever have real health insurance, if I will make it through college, and if I will spend the rest of my life waking up alone on Christmas morning. Could someone please locate a glass of Chardonnay please??
I want to stop running all the time. I want to be able to enjoy the moment, to not overthink. To feel secure enough that I can finally exhale. I want to finally be able to breathe. Can it be Tuesday already?