I Hear You
It was a surprise being a mom at the age of 20. Being a mom wasn’t a “party” kind of surprise, I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but being a mom while I wasn’t through college and didn’t have health insurance…SURPRISE!!! After 10 hours of trying to have a Wonder Woman labor, I found myself lying in a hospital bed holding a tiny baby being called “Mom.” Overwhelmed by the thoughts and feelings I was having, accepting that I was responsible for a life, I found myself also overwhelmed by the feelings my baby was having. Every time I heard her sweet little cry there was something inside me that stirred in either straight Mary Poppins or “Mamma Bear Killer.” After a very long day of labor and birth, there finally came time for lights out in the hospital room with my baby safely and securely tucked into her plastic newborn hospital brand bassinet.
Around 2am, I awoke with a jolt. It felt like a combination of lightening striking and nausea. In my exhausted state, I could hear somewhere in my head MY baby crying. It stirred and churned and made me feel like I would do anything to stop it and I equally felt as though I would be ill. That sound was my job. As I woke up more I knew that I was hurting and couldn’t reach my baby so I reached for anything thing I could grab. I grabbed a shoe and flung it at my daughter’s dad to wake him in hopes that he could help me.
Why didn’t he hear her cry??? Was I the only one who could hear her agony and pain? Was I the only one who heard her cry out in need?
Two decades later I’m still a mom. No longer green and fresh out of the box, but still struggling with hearing the cries of my children. When my girls are hurting I hear it in my head, my heart and my soul. At times, I wake up in the middle of the night hearing their call of “mom” in a time vacuum from when they were a newborn, a toddler, a young child, middle school, high school and now today. I still hear their voice. I still hear their pain. I hear their struggle. I’m still connected to them, maybe not by umbilical cord, but by spirit. I hear them.
No matter what is happening around me, I hear my girls. No matter how joy filled, or stress filled or busy or crazy life is, I hear them. Maybe that’s how God hears us? Maybe regardless of the demands He has on His time, that He has tunnel vision when it comes to our hurt and need. Maybe He is so tuned into us that He just hears.
I hear you.