I’ve always been independant. Well, I’ve always tried to be independant. My mom tells an adorable story about when I was 18 months old and my first grammatically incorrect sentence was “My do it.” And that toddler totally believed that she could…and she would…and then sometimes…she didn’t. Yesterday I left work to check on my daughter and to run some errands, but I also left work because I had extreme body aches. Uncomfortable, confusing horrible aches. After touching base with my daughter and fumbling through a few errands, I knew that my body aches were pretty intense.
But, I wanted to be strong, to be independant, and they would probably go away on their own…right?? Right???
At work we are focusing on re-writing a teaching on self protective vows. You know, the things you say to ourselves in an attempt to protect us, but ultimately just put up walls around your heart. Like, “I will never be like my father.” “I will always be in control.” “I will never tolerate lying or cheating.” Today, my self protective vow of the day is, “I will always be strong enough to keep going.”
And today, I’m not. After a reluctant trip to Urgent Care, I tested positive for influenza. And with one quick packet of discharge information, I knew… I will not always be strong enough to keep going. I want to be, even this morning I tried to be, but I just can’t.
What I’m reminded of today is that my self protective vows really only hurt the people I love the most. Instead of saying, I need help, I just continued to try and power through and make it “okay.” God never asked us to make it okay. He sent Jesus to make it okay.
So today, as I lay on the couch and yes, feel like a weak slacker, I hope the people I love know that I am not always strong and I can’t always keep going. Because they know that Jesus redeems me from the vows I’ve clung to for protection.
While my inclination is to say “My do it”, I know that today, I just need to rest. I need to trust in the love, the support and the phenomenal people God has sent into my life. Because God has sent me phenomenal people. So I sit and I pick up my phone and ask my husband…can you bring me some juice??