Fools Rush In
I went to a New Year’s Eve party this year. It was an adult only, open bar party. It was full of loud music, bad food and free drinks. Also full of mostly kids who haven’t been 21 for as long as I’ve had the bagels in my freezer. When we first got there I said, “Do you feel like you just walked into the senior prom?” Lots and lots of twenty somethings drinking and enjoying the night. As I watched them, I couldn’t help but think that these kids are a bunch of idiots. They were dancing (or at least that’s what I think it was), sloshing their drinks around, slurring the lyrics to the song like they were suddenly Beyonce, and uncontrollably laughing. With their arms flailing above their heads, splashing vodka mixed drinks on their heavily hairsprayed hair, I knew I was in a room full of fools. Foolishness is so hard for me to swallow. It seems so senseless, so weak minded. Why would you act that way in front of all these people. Don’t you have enough self respect to attempt to hold on to some dignity? Today, I started thinking about my life. I’ve been on a quest these past two years to follow God’s will for my life. To go in the direction that He’s guiding me and to push through any wall, any pothole, any obstacle that may come between where I am and where’s He’s leading me. But sometimes along the way I’m faced with malignant doubt. A doubt that gets inside of me and traps me into feeling like maybe I need a backup plan. Maybe I need to just keep control of this one part. Maybe, just maybe I can get through this if I don’t have to really give myself freely and completely. Maybe I should hold back. Today I realized that in trying so hard to follow God’s will for my life, the one piece I’m holding onto is that I don’t want to be a fool. When you really get down to it, I’m not sure you can really truly follow where God is leading without being foolish. Faith makes no sense, has no grip in reality, and causes you to do some extraordinarily foolish things. What I know is when I’m not concerned about possibly looking foolish, I am content. When I embrace the sometimes uncomfortable situations that God leads me into, I’m content. When I allow myself to just breath while people around me stand by and judge and shake their heads, that’s when I’m truly experiencing the peace that only Jesus can provide. It’s when I start to look at myself through others perception that the doubt separates me from God’s will. I can’t completely follow God’s will unless I’m willing to be thought foolish. Faithfully, follishly following God’s plan. So if there are times when you see me, see a choice I’ve made, or can’t understand how this bright level headed girl got herself into “that” situation, I need to remind you. I’m a fool. I’m dancing, sloshing my drink, singing like Beyonce, following the path God has set before me. I’m understanding that those around me may not understand, may roll their eyes, and may think I’ve lost my mind, and you may be right in all of that, but the will, the love, and the peace that God brings makes none of that matter. So get ready, this fools got work to do.