As the year comes to a close…with little fanfare and not near enough confetti and noise makers, I have come to the realization that my adult maturity in the last few years has been slower than I would have liked. It’s not that I haven’t matured, or that I have been reluctant or whimsical in my personal growth, it’s just that I’m standing on a precipice of change. I see it on the horizon and I am powerless to stop it. My entire world is about to shift and today…I don’t know what lies on the other side.
I’m a 40 year old single mother of children who are now adults. My oldest lives on her own in a emotionally and spiritually safe place. My youngest (by the grace of God) will be graduating from high school this year and plans (as soon as any way possible) to move out and explore life as an independent woman. I’m terrified for what she will experience, the possible brokenness and heartbreak, and yet oddly hopeful that she may be able to beat the odds. We all face the odds everyday expecting and anticipating to beat them in our relationships, our jobs, our drive to work and our favor from God. We want and hope to succeed. What I pray for my children is no different.
My personal life seems so peaceful today. My job is steady and fulfilling and truly soul feeding. I’m blessed and lucky to work in an environment where I get to make a difference everyday in the lives of people who desperately need it. I’m in love with a man who loves me and despite my moments of uncontrolled emotion and my sometimes opositional personality he is invested in seeing the true me more and more each day. My parents love me in a a sort of “do you need a kidney…part of my liver…perhaps a lung” kind of way, and my girls despite their snarky not yet fully controlled sense of humor, completely respect and trust me. I’m surrounded by powerful, soulful, amazingly supportive women who encourage, and sometimes just kick me to be self protective and strong.
I am blessed.
God has given me so much despite my sometimes misuse and flagrant defiance of His will and His plan.
As I begin 2016, I know that a year from now my life will look VERY different. I know that I will be in a different place financially, emotionally, spiritually and relationally. I know that whether I am ready or not..change is coming. While I despise the idea, I also know that my best and most mature decisions have come when I am pressed, and so as I look forward to the opportunities and possibilities of the coming year, I brace for when God needs to shake up my life as He always does.
As I look back on the years behind me…two years…three years…five years…ten years…I hardly recognize the person that I was. But, I do visualize and embrace the person that God created me to be, and know that this year He is going to lead me closer to what He has in mind. So as I say goodbye to the joy and trials of 2015, I breathe deeply and say to 2016…Bring It On. Today, I embrace the journey ahead of me in the coming year. Are you ready for the ride?