As Seen On TV
I’m a 38 (almost 39, but we aren’t talking about that) year old single mother of one grown child and one child that is as close to grown as you can get. I have adult children. When I tell people that I have adult children they look at me with either the side head tilt of sympathy because they think I qualified for a starring role in an after school special about ten year olds giving birth, or with the jaw dropping, eyes bugging out of their heads disbelief. My appearance does not fit my life situation. It’s an odd situation that ten years ago as a 28 year old married mother of two small children, morbidly obese, and looking 45 years old, my credibility as a mother was much higher than it is today. Ten years ago, the perception was that I could, in fact, be a wonderful mother. Today, when people come to the door, they still ask me if my mom is home.
It’s not that I’m upset about the way I look (although there are times when my flaws seem to over shadow everything else) it’s about the fact that people assume that I am young, inexperienced, and lacking appropriate problem solving skills. I find myself at times trying to make sure that I dress in sophisticated ways, that I make sure to be calculated in my speech, and that I work hard to do things that give the appearance of maturity. There are times when I try to alter parts of myself to increase the perception around me. I can’t do that anymore.
While I can’t change the perception from the outside, I can in fact alter my perception from the inside. Despite what the rest of the world sees and believes, ultimately my worth is not founded by the people around me but on the knowledge and faith that I am living a life focused on becoming the unique creation that God had in mind when He made me. I just have to be me. And truthfully, I like me. I am a smart, witty, charming, articulate, deep thinking, God seeking, Grace giving, kind, loving, will kick your butt in line, strong willed woman. I’m difficult to manipulate and deeply loyal. The outside world will see whatever package they choose to see. Whether they see a few extra pounds, the gray hair that I continually battle, a face that looks too young, or simply someone who doesn’t fit in, I am less concerned with their evaluation of my life and more concerned about God’s.
So today I’m reminding myself that although I have many, many, MANY issues, I’m uniquely designed. I own my flaws and embrace them as part of what God created in me. I’ll deal with the frizzy out of control hair, the muffin top, and the lack of six pack abs because it’s just part of who I am, unless of course I can find the money for shipping and handling.