• Michelle Wells

Ugh

Every morning as I’m mentally battling with the snooze button on my alarm, I start the day with a form of Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley. It always consists of some form of the SNL favorite of “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggonit people like me.” It also holds more personal affirmations such as, “Working out is part of who you are”, “God has a perfect plan for your life”, “Food doesn’t change your emotional balance”, “Don’t screw anything up with the girls today that can’t be repaired in two years or less of intense therapy”, and “You don’t need a man to complete you.” For over three years I have started the morning like this. A mental pep talk before I begin my day. This morning as the snooze alarm is going off again, I made the painful discovery that for three years I’ve been lying to myself. Working out is a part of my life, and as much as I have repeatedly tried, no amount of food can actually change my emotional balance (although I may continue to test this theory in the name of scientific verification), God does indeed have a perfect plan for my life, and my children’s only hope of a normal life relies on finding a well-qualified counselor to repair the damage I do. All of this is true. ****My feminist friends may feel it necessary to consume a drink or two before you continue reading*** The lie…”You don’t need a man to complete you”. Ladies, put down your pitchforks and turn off the Alanis Morisette music for half a second. What I’m beginning to realize is that I can’t fully embrace God having a perfect plan for my life and then boxing it in with not needing a man to complete me. Why is it that by speaking the words, “I believe that love and support from a devoted, committed partner will help me become who I am intended to be” makes me think I need to hang my head down. When did needing a man and love become a character flaw? ***Feminist friends, if it helps, even while typing this I feel like I may actually be hyperventilating*** I’m not professing that everyone needs the same thing that I need. Certainly God’s plan looks different for each of us, but for me…God’s plan for me includes a partner…a mate… support, physical, emotional, spiritual security and love. God wants me to be loved. I admit that speaking it out loud makes it real. It makes it scary, and it makes it so that if I’m not blessed with this in my life that all of you will know that once again in matters of the heart I will have “EPIC FAIL” hanging over my head, but it’s real. Real, raw, vulnerable, terrifying. Does anyone have a paper bag I can breathe into??? Tomorrow morning while battling the snooze alarm I suspect that my Stuart Smalley moment may look a little different. “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and God…I’m listening.” I’ll keep a paperbag by the bed just in case.

#Inspirational #Love #Parenthood #Relationships

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